Organic Waste Disposal For Rent

Vis-a-vis the “pigs as organic garbage disposal in Cairo” story, I’m starting to see a whole new side to our deranged basset hound. My wife pointed out we could practically keep a blog on the things the dog has eaten that it’s not supposed to eat. (Oh, if only I’d had a bad dog before John Grogan did.)

She has an awesome vile-thing-that-should-not-be-consumed or “delicious human swag that I grabbed from the counter” method, as well, because she’s learned that I or other humans are likely to freak. She sucks it up when no one is looking (she definitely watches to see if we are) and then sticks it in her cheek like a minor league pitcher with a tobacco chaw. If someone notices, down the hatch it goes, otherwise, she takes her time and savors the experience.

My personal tally, directly observed:

Dead mouse.
Dead cicada.
Dead chunk of unknown mammal, carried around proudly for a bit in the front of the mouth until noticed. (Unusual break with technique).
Entire pumpkin bread loaf along with plastic wrapping and part of cardboard container.
Seven ripe tomatoes from the garden kept on kitchen counter.
Her own poop.
Poop of the other dog.
Poop of unknown dogs that visited our yard.
Deer poop.
Rabbit poop.
Raccoon poop.
Sticks of many sizes and tree species.
Rocks. Small ones. So far.
A non-pumpkin loaf of bread.
Flying insects of multiple species.
Stuffed animals not given to her as toys.
Other toys of miscellaneous kinds.
Every kind of footwear presently known to the human species.

And the crowning achievement so far? A fairly good-sized chunk of a linoleum floor.

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7 Responses to Organic Waste Disposal For Rent

  1. back40 says:

    The grass and weeds may be self medication. They can help with digestion and elimination, though that doesn’t sound like it is a problem in this case.

  2. Sok says:

    I looked over the checklist, thinking of my miniature schnauzer and saying “Yep… yep… yep…” as I went along. Mind you, the critter preferred to roll in the deer poop, but he was also willing to sample it to determine its mouthfeel properties.

    He never sampled linoleum, however, and thus I must bow to your basset hound.

  3. Phil Palmer says:

    What? No vomit? Picky, picky, picky.

  4. Timothy Burke says:

    Attempted consumption of vomit. So far thwarted.

  5. nord says:

    You missed the other side of the equation … knitting with doghair. Amazon has a good book discussing different methods, best breeds etc.

    Your dog will look at you in a whole new light if you’re wearing a vest of its finest (hopefully unwashed) fleece!

  6. Amanda says:

    This, right here? Is why I like cats better than dogs. Because cats have enough sense not to eat rocks. (Although the hilarity factor is probably higher with a dog, for the same reason.)

    I once knew a dog owner whose dog chewed up and ate most of a bath mat, but I think your linoleum floor incident trumps that by a good margin.

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