Comments on: Learning the Rules

By: Gilmoshar

Gilmoshar — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 05:02:04 +0000

Sorry to ask this question right after you despaired of giving an answer, but: I’m a less than savvy student from a less than privileged background, who through great good luck is now in a top grad school — and now that I’m here the need for this kind of knowledge, and my deficit thereof, could not be clearer to me. Where do I go to get better at this? What do I read? With whom do I speak? What resources are available for this sort of thing?

I’m shy and socially unskilled, and the sort of person who has to work to not say ‘y’all’ extemporaneously. What can I do to become the sort of person who, arriving as a student, has a shot at staying as a professor?

By: CMarko

CMarko — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 17:03:52 +0000

David C:
There’s a movement to teach body language in elementary and middle schools. The KIPP network of charter schools teaches its students the acronym SLANT: Sit up, Listen, Ask and answer questions, Nod, and Track the speaker with your eyes.

This strikes a lot of people as absurd, but as you point out, students don’t always realize that their body language makes them appear disengaged, or even that anyone cares if they’re engaged or not.

By: Timothy Burke

Timothy Burke — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 13:57:00 +0000

This is one of several places where Constance Steinkuehler’s work on World of Warcraft really shines–the proposition that virtual spaces are opportunities for some young people to experiment on self-presentation, social performance. But that’s also what student government, etcetera is about, too: finding out what works, what doesn’t, etc.

As always, the real problem is how to chase down the students who don’t plug into those opportunities.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 01:47:18 +0000

I used to lament the etiquette my mother insisted upon while growing up, the cultural events I was dragged to as a part of being in the “right” kind of family, the silly things I did as part of being in a sorority. But increasingly, knowing how to make small talk with ease, really helps during interviews, cocktail parties with important people, and other situations where one is making first impressions. And then, of course, I got a really good education to go with that. So I had lots of culture to draw on to have those conversations. But honestly, that ability to feel comfortable in multiple situations, facilitated by the etiquette and conversational skills I had to practice, really opened many doors for me.

I’m starting to see the importance of that in my current position and more importantly, for my charges. My students have many opportunities thanks to their backgrounds, but they definitely need polish. And we’re given many opportunities to give them that polish. They are in small classes where they’re expected to contribute in many ways–speaking during discussion, giving presentations, etc. They also participate in many leadership activities for the school, where they are expected to be poised, articulate, and often be able to read situations. They also are put in situations where they have to appreciate differences, learn to empathize with others, and work with different kinds of people as a team. I’ll be interested to see what my current middle schoolers look like in 4 or 5 years. What rules will they have figured out by then. And which, if any, will remain tone deaf.

By: David C

David C — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 13:50:16 +0000

Having recently moved from one of the most elite universities to a regionally-oriented public university (ahh, gotta love that 7-and-out “tenure” track), one startling, immediate difference is collective body language.
Elite U. students, whether in the classroom or in office hours, “lean closer” at least some of the time: in lectures, they straighten up in chairs during interesting points or cock their head to hear; in discussions, they move forward to talk; in my office, they — even if shy or spooked — at some point, eventually, lean forward to hear or even to talk. In a subtle but profound way, Elite U. students demonstrate they want to learn/listen/engage… and also that they want to be heard themselves.
On the other hand, regional Public U. students — some of them more intelligent as the Elite U-ers — “hold” themselves much more like high-school students. They stay as far back in the room as possible; lean as far away from the instructor as possible; avoid eye contact. In my office, they choose the furthest chair, and cast their heads down. They never, ever lean forward to listen OR talk. And just when I’m convinced they don’t care — that they’re passing time, hating school, class, and me — I get teaching evals that rave about how great the class was, how engaged they were, etc.
Some of this, I’m sure, is that the “lean forward” students have all sorts of other correlated cultural capital and/or personality traits that got them to Elite U. in the first place; and the “avoid engagement” students have the (lack of) cultural capital and personality traits that kept them local. Also, they ARE local??hey’re in the same physical place that they were in high school, so there’s no reason for them to “learn” a new (body) language.
But they also learn and re-learn “correct” body language, in every class, in every interaction, collectively. They look at each other, and they imitate each other: they see how college students act.
And I just sometimes want to grab the nearest one and shout: “Are you REALLY going to sit like that in your job interview, your dream date, your (fill in the blank??! Don’t you realize that if you LOOK more interested, LOOK more attentive, LOOK more engaged, you’ll have a massive advantage over every single other person in this room??!!”
Maybe I’ll make a “Sit Your Way to Success!” youtube video. But, as you wrote, the Higgins-thing can only ever really scratch the surface.

By: David C

David C — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 13:49:20 +0000

Having recently moved from one of the most elite universities to a regionally-oriented public university (ahh, gotta love that 7-and-out “tenure” track), one startling, immediate difference is collective body language.
Elite U. students, whether in the classroom or in office hours, “lean closer” at least some of the time: in lectures, they straighten up in chairs during interesting points or cock their head to hear; in discussions, they move forward to talk; in my office, they — even if shy or spooked — at some point, eventually, lean forward to hear or even to talk. In a subtle but profound way, Elite U. students demonstrate they want to learn/listen/engage ?? and also that they want to be heard themselves.
On the other hand, regional Public U. students — some of them more intelligent as the Elite U-ers — “hold” themselves much more like high-school students. They stay as far back in the room as possible; lean as far away from the instructor as possible; avoid eye contact. In my office, they choose the furthest chair, and cast their heads down. They never, ever lean forward to listen OR talk. And just when I’m convinced they don’t care — that they’re passing time, hating school, class, and me — I get teaching evals that rave about how great the class was, how engaged they were, etc.
Some of this, I’m sure, is that the “lean forward” students have all sorts of other correlated cultural capital and/or personality traits that got them to Elite U. in the first place; and the “avoid engagement” students have the (lack of) cultural capital and personality traits that kept them local. Also, they ARE local??hey’re in the same physical place that they were in high school, so there’s no reason for them to “learn” a new (body) language.
But they also learn and re-learn “correct” body language, in every class, in every interaction, collectively. They look at each other, and they imitate each other: they see how college students act.
And I just sometimes want to grab the nearest one and shout: “Are you REALLY going to sit like that in your job interview, your dream date, your (fill in the blank??! Don’t you realize that if you LOOK more interested, LOOK more attentive, LOOK more engaged, you’ll have a massive advantage over every single other person in this room??!!”
Maybe I’ll make a “Sit Your Way to Success!” youtube video. But, as you wrote, the Higgins-thing can only ever really scratch the surface.

By: agl1

agl1 — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 14:18:59 +0000

I think the traditional story of the ‘scholarship kid’ being transformed by the elite college depended on the scholarship kid only being a small percentage of the total, so that 3-4 years of intensive socialising with the ruling classes was enough to pick up the ‘language’ (the analogy with foreign language immersion is relevant) of how to behave, whereas the more meritocratic system now where you may end up hanging around with those of similar backgrounds reduces that transformative effect on a number of levels. All this to say its a peer effect, not one the institution has ever really controlled (except by its admissions policy). Zadie Smith’s essay on Obama is good about this: http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2009/feb/26/speaking-in-tongues-2/

By: Brutus

Brutus — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:05:56 +0000

students who come in understanding the hidden rules (of the college, of the professions, of bourgeois manners) come out with more polish on that understanding, but ... students who don?? come in with that experiential knowledge only acquire it in fragments, often through negative or bruising experiences with peers or indirectly negative communications from faculty I'm in that second group, and the even more injurious thing is that I didn't realize it until recently, well into life. I had long subscribed to the notion of meritocracy all my life and devoted myself to doing good work, believing that would propel me forward. But then I read a profile of a fellow in Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers and recognized myself, though less extreme in both brilliance and social dysfunction. Gladwell offers as an explanation a concerted style of parenting for training youngsters how to be intuitively sensitive to rules of play, whereas those not so nurtured may not ever figure things out. There may even be a developmental window after which the particular faculty of reading a situation is foreclosed.